Once Upon A Prayer

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

"Don't worry, I gotcha!"


If we were given the opportunity to paint the picture of our own future, things might look completely different. But we aren’t. Instead, we understand that our lives – present and future, rest in the hands of the master painter. What that means is, we don’t know what the future holds. We don’t try to control the hands of the one who holds us. 

We let Him paint the masterpiece.

Sometimes it feels like a masterpiece.  One year ago today, we added two incredibly beautiful and wonderfully designed girls to our family.  Mackenzie Ty and Lily Grace became ours. Our lives will never be same because of it. In just one year, our family has seen the power of what love can do. While people would whisper to us, “Those girls are so lucky you rescued them”, we understood that in fact, the opposite was the case. In many ways, they rescued us. They showed and are showing us that when God paints a picture of a family, it comes in all shapes, and colors and sizes. 

And love; love can overcome anything.

We learned to trust the one painting the masterpiece. And although there were many moments of doubt – believe it or not, trusting was easy. Lily was getting stronger. Mackenzie was soaking up the love of a family. Dryden and Soleil had survived the initial shock, and were embracing their new sisters.  We can do this, we thought – we like the picture the artist is painting. 

Sometimes it does feel like a masterpiece!

Sometimes it doesn’t. As most of you reading this blog already know, just over 9 months ago, Emily and I found out the shock of a lifetime, another baby was on the way. Just a couple months into the pregnancy, our worlds were rocked to learn that our precious baby had Down’s Syndrome and a major heart defect. When the shock wore off, we not only moved to the point of embracing this new reality, we were looking forward to it – even excited about it. We spent the next few months bantering over names, taking bets as to whether it is a boy or a girl, and surviving multiple ultrasounds and echocardiograms that represented an opportunity for someone to ruin the surprise.

Boy or girl - we couldn’t wait to be surprised!

We weren’t prepared for the surprise that crushed every part of a parent that could be crushed. Last night, at 8:00 p.m., my brave wife Emily delivered Addy Hope Rancourt.  She delivered our daughter only after finding out she had already died. She arrived to us, the most beautiful and angelic 7lbs, 14oz, girl you could imagine.  Yet we never got to hear her cry, see her beautiful lips pucker up, or feel her tiny hands grasp onto our fingers. 

Sometimes it doesn’t feel like a masterpiece. 

And although right now, I want to grab the brush and finish the painting myself, I know I can’t. We can’t. I am tempted to think that I could paint a much better masterpiece for our lives. Our minds are filled with questions like “Why” and “How”, and we can’t get the “What if’s” out of our head. We are trying to make sense of our thoughts and feelings, but I am not sure we ever will. 

All I can ask of you is this: Pray for us. Pray for our family. Pray that we can trust the one who is holding the brush. Pray that we can celebrate the beautiful strokes that are Dryden and Soleil and Mackenzie and Lily. And pray that we can always see the incredible beauty that is in the stroke Addy Hope. We love you all. 

You may or may not know that the anniversary of the day you get your adopted child is called “Gotcha Day”. And we are celebrating that. And we take great comfort in the fact that our God has already whispered to Addy, “Don’t worry, I gotcha!"

He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, 
and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.
Mathew 5:45

57 comments:

  1. So very, very sorry for your loss. Praying for comfort for all of you.

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  2. prayers and tears for your family. Remember the Picture is not finished.

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  3. Addy is so beautiful. Rejoicing in her complete healing and the brush strokes that are our lives. You are loved!

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  4. It's so difficult to put things like this into words, but this post has done it beautifully. My heart breaks for your loss, though I know she's Heaven's gain. So many prayers coming your way. Love you guys.

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  5. What a beautiful masterpiece your family is Jacques and Emily. And what a beautiful angel your Addy is. She adds a special hue to the picture. May God bless you all during this difficult time. Yes, we will pray for your family and for your peace. I am so terribly sorry for your loss :(

    Lisa Murphy

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  6. Every piece of art is different. Some may look at it and see the beauty, another might see nothing. Your Master-Peace was a piece from The Artist. He planned each stroke and while you may not see the treasure that it is, right now, I believe you will.
    Addy is Perfect! She is beautiful. Thank You, for sharing your Littlest Love with us. Your family is in my prayers.
    Love in Him ~ Jo Moseley

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  7. Words just escape me today, Emily. Love you and I am praying for all of you. Addy Hope is beautiful!

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  8. I am so sorry for your loss. She is absolutely beautiful. Adn this is a beautiful post. May God Bless you Rancourt family.

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  9. Hugs & prayers to you & yours....what a beautiful masterpiece. So sorry for the loss of your daughter, may the Lord gather her & guide you on your continued path if hope. Thank you for sharing
    ~Donna

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  10. I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful baby girl. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers :(

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  11. I am so sorry. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

    Ellen Hierl

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  12. Praying for your family! Gods plans re not our plans. Thank You, God for being the artists of this families lives.
    Kim

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  13. I am praying for your family.

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  14. As a mom of 5 kids, some SN, some adopted....and the mom of twins, that we never got to see them cry and a fellow person who have had to trust really trust the Master...this is the most beautiful written blog I think I have ever read. What a testimoney to your child's life.... God be with you all...
    Yvonne
    www.myreallifebyyvonne.blogspot.com

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  15. Praying and praying some more. May God also wrap his arms around all of you during this time with so many emotions from losing a child to celebrating a special day for two of your precious treasures. ((HUGS)) from Wisconsin

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  16. Oh Emily, my words just won't come. I am so sorry. I can't even imagine the pain. Knowing you will see her again is the only comfort you have and I pray that in time it will be enough. Until then we will all hold you up to the Lord and pray for piece and comfort for the entire family!

    Dawn

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  17. We are praying for your entire family, for strength and although understanding may never come your Addy is incredibly beautiful and even more so because she will be the new painter of our rainbows.

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  18. prayers for your family during this difficult time.

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  19. I am so sorry. I will pray for you and Addy Hope.

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  20. Emily and Jacques and family, Sharing in your sorrow today. (Romans 12:15)

    Praying for Soleil and Dryden and Lily and Mackenzie as well. Praying for both of you as you allow God to heal your broken hearts while you comfort the littles who depend on you. Such unimaginable sorrow for you but grateful for the knowledge that Jesus has welcomed your precious beautiful Addy Hope into His arms and house today.

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  21. She is a beautiful baby, and she is lucky to have you both for parents. Praying for your family.

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  22. My heart is breaking for your loss. My the brushstroke you were given still make you smile through your tears.

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  23. Praying for your family. I have twin sons waiting for me in Heaven. They left pour family 29 years ago. I understand your sorrow. I too, trust that God has a master plan. He knows what He has in store. I can promise you , blessings come from sorrow. Please know I am lifting your name to Heaven.

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  24. I am praying for your family what a beautiful little girl and such a beautiful family picture!

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  25. Praying for your family during this time of loss. Beautiful picture!

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  26. We pray for you every night and will continue to do so. Thank you for sharing Addy Hope with us.

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  27. I'm sorry you and yours have to walk through this heartache. Addy is beautiful. Your testimony of her life long before she was born was inspiring and a testimony to your faith.

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  28. I am so incredibly sorry for your loss, and pray that your family feels the loving arms of the Lord wrapped around you. Yet even in these difficult circumstances, this was such a beautiful post that honors the Lord. Thank you for being such a wonderful testimony of following the Lord's will and trusting Him even when it is hard.

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  29. Words can not describe the pain I feel for you. Try to find peace in knowing that your sweet little girl is and will always be your angel looking down. All of our thoughts and prayers will be with you always.

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  30. God Bless your family. Prayers are with you.

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  31. You and Emily must be the bravest couple I have ever met (if only on the internet). You and Emily are a beautiful example of what people can achieve if they truly let go and let God. My faith has increased watching the amazing journey your family is on. My heart is broken at the moment, and I know that the loss of Addy is probably unbearable at this moment. The wonderful thing is that you will move on, not forget, but be able to move on because of our Loving God. Your family will be in my prayers nonstop, every day, and every night.
    Always,
    Dianne Guthrie Proctor

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  32. I am so so sorry to hear about the loss of your precious baby girl. The picture of the 3 of you is so tender. praying and thinking of your whole families. Hugs.
    Tammy in PEI

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  33. This family will be lifting your family up in our prayers. Heartbroken for you in your loss and amazed at your bravery and transparency in sharing - for His glory.

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  34. I am so sorry! She is a beautiful angel, and it looks like she does have lots of hair! I will be praying for your family.

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  35. We are so sorry to hear this. Your family is always in our prayers. Addy is beautiful!!

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  36. Addy is so beautiful. I am ever so sorry for your incredible loss. I am praying for you all as I know many others are. We have a large family and many adopted children. One child was a surprise domestic newborn adoption of a previous DS little boy. He died after a bone marrow transplant for aplastic anemia at age 3 1/2. I was a "train wreck" for a long time. Now, give years later I can look back and marvel at all the Lord did through his horrible suffering in his illness and his tragic death, in our grief and healing. I knew some about grief from the SIDS death of my 6 mos old daughter many years ago. I knew time hps and heals..but when right there in it..the bloody hard work of grieving...nothing really helped. My heart aches for you. We loved our Jonathan so much that those with DS became our favorite kind of people. Since then we have adopted five more children with Down Syndrome. (plus other children) I feel like Job, doubly blessed after great loss. Hoping and praying the Lord continues to bless your family in ways that amaze you. May His peace and grace be strikingly vivid to you in the coming months. God is only good, this is one thing we can know

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  37. I am so very sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine the grief and the heartache, yet, you reached out to all of us. Thank you. May God look after little Addy in heaven and shine down on all of you. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family. Addy is truly an angel born here on earth and now soaring with her heavenly father.

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  38. my heart is aching for you guys today.. bringing you continuously before the One who holds our hearts...

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  39. I am so sorry for your loss. We are the parents of a daughter with Down Syndrome and when I read about your loss, I just wanted to let you know that prayers are being lifted up for your entire family at this time.

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  40. Thank you for sharing your amazing, yet heartbreaking story. Wendy and I are so sorry for your loss. By sharing from the heart, you have glorified God and helped countless others in their time of sorrow. Here's a story of a couple that has experienced the same trauma, and like you, chose to praise God in the storm of heartbreak.

    https://www.facebook.com/notes/wayne-auman/gabriels-gift-by-wayne-auman-c-2010/418181401896

    Blessings,
    Wayne and Wendy Auman

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  41. My deepest condolances to the Rancourt family. I am so, so sorry for your loss. I am praying for you all. Your trust in God and your overflowing love for each of your children is an amazing testimony. Praying you feel your Heavenly Father's presence more closely than ever right now.

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  42. Dear Rancourt Family,
    Sending you heartfelt prayers, and hugs from Minneapolis.. My heart is heavy as I read Jaques beautiful testimony of your honest questions and your amazing faith... That portrait of the three of you is breathtaking... Addie Hope is beautiful.. All of it speaks volumes about your inner strength as a couple and as a family!

    May HE give you what you need, exactly when you need it to move forward.. Lifting you up in MN!

    Blessings,
    Diana

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  43. What a beautiful, precious princess Addy is!!! I am so sorry you didn't have the opportunity to watch her grow and dance. Still, there is a reason God sent her to bless your lives for those few months she was with you. Through Addy God changed you. Praying for your family tonight as you say goodbye to your girl.

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  44. I am so sorry about the loss of your daughter. I recently delivered our baby, who was already in the arms of Jesus, at 16 wks pregnant. He is the great comforter, peace giver, and healer. I pray that you feel surrounded in the love of the body of Christ. I am so sorry.

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  45. My heart breaks for the hurt you are going through. You are in my thoughts and prayers. May God give you a peace that passes all understanding until you meet again.

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  46. There are no words to express the sorrow for the loss of your precious baby girl. Trusting God will be your comfort in the days to come. The picture of the three of you is breathtaking! Bringing you before the throne tonight and in the days to come!
    Blessings
    Julie McDonald

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  47. So very sorry for ur loss, as a mother that has been down the road u r traveling losing a child is heartbreaking. Knowing that ur baby is with God helps ease the pain a bit. We have a 2 year old with Mosaic Down syndrome, she's the best thing that ever happened to our family. I'll pray to my Angel babies & ask them to watch over ur sweet Addy ;) May God give u strength.

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  48. Words seem so inadequate, but I want you to know my heart breaks for your loss. I am praying for you all, that Gods grace would surround you and carry you through this time of mourning and loss. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Addy is beautiful and I can just picture her now being held tightly in the arms of her heavenly father.

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  49. O Love that will not let me go, I rest my weary soul in Thee
    I give Thee back the life I owe, that in Thine ocean depths its flow may richer, fuller be.

    O Light that foll'west all my way, I yield my flick'ring torch to Thee
    My heart restores its borrowed ray, that in Thy sunshine's blaze its day may brighter, fairer be.

    O Joy that seekest me through pain, I cannot close my heart to Thee
    I trace the rainbow through the rain, and feel the promise is not vain that morn shall tearless be.

    O Cross that liftest up my head, I dare not as to fly from Thee
    I lay in dust life's glory dead, and from the ground there blossoms red Life that shall endless be

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  50. So sorry for the loss of your very special angel.

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  51. I sat cried reading your blog and knowing the heartache you must feel. Such wisdom in the words that your write. God's "gotcha" and He will never let go. Hold onto your faith and the beautiful words that you wrote above. God is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow and He is ALWAYS good. Praying for your family.

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  52. I am so sorry for your loss. Your beautiful family has touched so many of us. You are in inspiration even in your grief. My family holds you all in our hearts and hopes that healing is what happens next for your lovely family. Bless you.

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  53. My heart goes out to your family and I am so sorry for your loss! I do know that God is perfect and while we may not understand his plan it is a perfect plan. May the lord wrap his arms around you and give you comfort a peace as you move forward in the next days, months, and years.

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  54. I am so sorry for your loss. Your family will be our prayers. Not only is Jesus holding Addy, but he's holding you too.

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  55. Tears stream down our faces. We join heavenly armies in praise for the gift of Addy Hope, and we join earthly believers in prayer for your hearts that have been torn in a million pieces. Oh perfect Father, we beseech you to build a strong hedge of loving protection around this precious family, as they release their sweet babe back to her loving creator. Pour YOUR Love and Mercy on this family and cause them to KNOW your comfort Oh Lord, God, as we know ONLY YOU are ABLE. Do this miracle for this faithful, obedient Mommy and Daddy, and their hurting daughters, Oh Lord, through your loving kindness. We trust in YOU ALONE. amen.

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  56. Emily, Jacques, and girls-

    I have struggled with what to write for a few days now, because there is nothing I can think of to say that could possibly be enough. Your family has endured so many highs and lows over the past year with grace. I am so deeply sorry for your loss. Our family prays regularly for you all. You have been a wonderful example of strength, love, faithfullness, and hope. Addy Hope looks just like a princess in the picture. Thank you for sharing the intimate pictures, moments, and experiences with all of us so unselfishly. I truly believe that God is using your family to strengthen those around you and bring others to God. I pray that time will bring you peace, healing, and understanding. We send our hugs, constant prayers, and condolences to you.

    -The Hodgson Family

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  57. I cannot thank you enough for sharing your beautiful Abby Hope and the tragedy of her loss. What a beautiful and sacred child. I am awed by your comment about God saying "Gotcha" to hold her and surround her with love so immediately. How profoundly comforting despite the anguish.. I wish so much that I could give your whole family a big hug.

    We lost our son to a stillbirth as well and were profoundly broken by it. The course to hope and comfort has been a long one but I do feel his little spirit close to us.

    We adopted two brothers (with a big gap between them.) I feel like our other son is in heaven watching them and loving them every day.

    Again I am so very sorry and sending hugs and comfort to you.
    (Also thank you for sharing your story of your precious adopted girls and whole family.)

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