Imagine that for the first 3 1/2 years of your life
you were told that anyone who cared for you was "mama".
you were told that anyone who cared for you was "mama".
"Mama" changed your diapers.
"Mama" changed your clothes.
"Mama" put you to bed.
"Mama" changed your clothes.
"Mama" put you to bed.
"Mama" gave you your bottle.
"Mama" wiped your runny nose.
"Mama" picked you up.
What most biological children learn within the first few months of their lives, adopted children need to be taught.
Attachment is not easy, and is never guaranteed.
Complete strangers have made comments to us about how "friendly" and "loving" Mackenzie is to them. If you have never adopted before, you probably see this as a good thing. I mean, who wouldn't be thrilled with a precious, sweet, social child?
With this being our first adoption, I freely admit that we thought the authors of the attachment books must be weird, or crazy, or psychotically possessive. They tell the newly adoptive family to hunker down and isolate themselves from the world. They cautioned us to not allow anyone outside of our immediate family to hold our girls, change our girls, feed our girls, comfort our girls but us. They recommended high fives, quick hugs, and "love" from a distance.
However, after enduring the sting of a cold shoulder time after time from our precious daughter as she nestled up to someone other than us, we started to wonder if perhaps those authors were right. When she began reaching for our friends and kissing them on the lips we knew we needed to change our approach to attachment since our method was clearly not working.
With this being our first adoption, I freely admit that we thought the authors of the attachment books must be weird, or crazy, or psychotically possessive. They tell the newly adoptive family to hunker down and isolate themselves from the world. They cautioned us to not allow anyone outside of our immediate family to hold our girls, change our girls, feed our girls, comfort our girls but us. They recommended high fives, quick hugs, and "love" from a distance.
Sounds silly, right?
However, after enduring the sting of a cold shoulder time after time from our precious daughter as she nestled up to someone other than us, we started to wonder if perhaps those authors were right. When she began reaching for our friends and kissing them on the lips we knew we needed to change our approach to attachment since our method was clearly not working.
Jacques and I so desperately want Mackenzie to understand that:
Papa and Mama kiss boo boos.
Papa and Mama are her biggest cheerleaders.
Papa and Mama will make sure she never goes hungry.
Papa and Mama will keep her clean.
Papa and Mama will make her smile when she is sad.
Papa and Mama are madly in love with her.
Papa and Mama are forever.
We are not there yet...
Nowhere close to be exact.
So for now, we will just hold onto her a little bit tighter,
and keep her a little closer.
We will continue to fight for this precious little girl
that God has entrusted in our care.